Is your older
baby jealous of the newborn?
Older siblings may feel jealous when a new baby arrives in the
family,until they are 4 or 5 years old because most children at this
age prefer to be the only child in the family.This is known as sibling
rivalry.They don't want any younger sibling to share your time and
affection. The situation of a new baby arriving in the family is
especially stressful for the firstborn and for siblings less than 3
years old. They feel the newcomer is receiving all the attention,
visitors, gifts which was his priviledge so far.
They may show it by arguing, name-calling, teasing, pushing,
and hitting; to "get even" with the baby who's messing with
their stuff or stealing their parents' affection .But a 2 year old shows
it in a different way .To regain your attention, he may resort to misbehaving
or regressing (jumping on the sofa when you're trying to nurse, sitting
in the baby's seat, or refusing to use the potty after he's been doing
it for months). He may even try to punish his new sibling by yanking
her arm or snatching her rattle. He may want to be held and carried,
especially when the mother is busy with the newborn. Other symptoms
include acting like a baby again, such as thumbsucking, wetting, or
soiling. All of these symptoms are normal. While some can be prevented,
the remainder can be improved within a few months.
How to prevent it ?
During pregnancy
·
You have to use a lot of subtle psychology to prepare
your older child for the change in his life.
·
Talk with older child about your pregnancy and tell her that
he will get a new sibling soon who will give her company so that she
won’t feel lonely and such other things which will arouse a happy
anticipation in her. Let your child feel your baby's movements. .
·
Your child has to learn to live without you at
all times.Move her to a different room or new bed at least a month
before the baby's birth.
·
If your older child is old enough to get
admission to a play group or nursery school then do it well in advance
of the birth.
·
Praise your child for any mature independent behavior,
such as using the toilet,
feeding or dressing herself, and playing games.
·
Don't make any demands for new skills (such as
toilet training) around this time. You may postpone these changes until
your child has made a good adjustment to arrival of the new baby.
·
Explain your child where you will go and who will
care for her when you go to the hospital .
·
Read books together about what happens during
pregnancy and after the baby is born.
·
Involve her,encourage your child to help you
prepare the baby's room
·
Look through the family albums and talk with her about
her first year of life.
While you are hospitalised
·
Phone your older child often from the hospital.
·
Let your older child visit you and see the baby
in the hospital if the rules of the Hospital allow this.
·
If Hospital rules do not allow this send a snap of the new baby to him.
·
Ask your husband to take your older child on special
outings like a visit to the park, zoo etc.
·
Let others in the family tell her that mummy will
be coming back to bring her a gift of the new baby.
After coming home
·
Involve your baby in the home coming.
·
When you return home be with your older sibling
for the first few minutes. someone else can carry the new baby into the
house.
·
Give your child a gift "from the new
baby."
·
Ask visitors to also give attention to the older
child.
·
Encourage your older child to open the baby's
gifts.
The first months at home
·
Make sure that the father and other members of
the family spend extra time with him during the first month.
·
Give him lots of physical affection throughout
the day.
·
Don’t exclude him from your world when you
are attending to the baby.You can include him by talking with him. When
you are nursing or bottle-feeding the baby, read a story, play a game,
or do a puzzle with your older child.
·
Give him extra attention that he needs. Make him
feel more important. Try to give him at least 30 minutes a day of
quality time. Take your older child out for a walk ,talk to him ,hug
him, look through his baby album with him.
·
Encourage her to fondle and play with the new
baby in your presence. Allow him to hold the baby after making a safe
position for them.But do this occasionally;not too often.
·
Avoid such warnings as "Don't touch the
baby." It is important to show your trust. But be cautious at the
same time; you can't allow the sibling to carry the baby unless he is
big enough.
·
Involve her as a helper. Encourage her to help
with baths, dry the baby, get a clean diaper, or find toys or a
pacifier. She would love it. At other times encourage her to feed or
bathe a doll when you are feeding or bathing the baby. Emphasize how
much the baby likes the older sibling. Make comments such as "Look
how happy she gets when you play with her," or "You can
always make her laugh."
·
Don't ask older child to be quiet because the
baby might wake up.Your older child may resent the baby for this. Newborns
can sleep well even in noisy atmosphere.
·
You will have to accept baby like behavior, such
as thumbsucking or clinging, as something your child needs to do
temporarily. Do not criticize him.
·
When your child behaves aggressively towards the
newborn , stop him politely. Tell him, "Good children do not hurt
babies." You may send him out on some pretext for a few minutes.
Don't spank your child or slap his hand at these times. If you beat
him, he will try to repeat the same to the baby as revenge. For the
next few days don't leave the two of them alone.
If older sibling is old
enough you can discuss with him his feelings about the baby. Suggest an
alternative behavior: "When you're upset with the baby, come to me;I’ll
love you."
